14 Feb Acquiesce – Silent assent or stand and be heard?
Well, I am a complete novice in the realm of astrology. I can’t tell you anything about which zodiac signs should be paired or if you have a boomerang or cardinal qualities. However, what I have learned as a Libra navigating life on the Earth plane for more than 40 years, is that I have spent a lot of time acquiescing.
It’s always been my heart’s desire to ‘just get along’ with others.
For me this meant that shape shifting was a skill that could quiet the discontent and bring about the peace I so desperately needed. As a child I remember sometimes observing adults engaged in animated discussions with raised voices and arms waiving. Words felt like swords being used to inflict pain as the blame served to shield the vulnerability.
Is this really the way the world was designed to work?
Is this how people that love one another really interact?
It was apparent that I should remain quiet and allow the energy to dissipate before entering the room.
Perfecting the art of acquiescence took great skill and practice.
If I could pretend to be a tiger, I could slink through the jungle hidden by the overgrown jungle floor. This was fun for a while; engaging in imaginary play and inviting all my friends to join in. We could all pick an animal and pretend we were fearless creatures prancing through our own little worlds. School soon taught me that this approach would need to be modified if I wanted to ‘fit in’.
So, I changed up my approach and embraced the role of independence.
This seemed to fit well with my personality. I could pursue my goals at my own pace and learning new skills kept my imagination fully occupied. I could be an artist, a rocket scientist, a doctor or a heavy equipment operator (yes that was a goal at one point).
I could count on myself to always be there and be true to myself – right? Like all the other children, I wanted desperately to fit in and be the cool kid at recess that was picked first. The issue for me is that I liked almost everyone I met, as long as they didn’t tease me too terribly.
The flimflamming began.
When I was at home I knew that I must behave in the manner in which my parents expected. I applied this same behavior modification, no matter where I was or whom I was with.
I would cloak my true self in the persona of the group in my attempt to be accepted. I would wear clothes that were not comfortable, I would laugh at situations that were insensitive and take part in the activities of the group that I knew were not ‘good’ choices. There was a euphoric feeling that came with the role-playing.
My life became a stage performance, with me as the director and leading actress.
In my adult life, I found even greater reward for my now polished assentation. I was financially rewarded with paychecks and promotions for following through with the corporate mission, performing the job and excelling at ‘other duties as assigned’.
By this point I had no clue who I really was. I had so many wardrobe changes; I could barely keep up. I had spent my entire life trying endless to fit it in and make everyone else happy; I was lost in my own twisted plot. I was verbally saying yes when, with every fiber of my being, I really meant Hell No!
The endless loop of being quiet when I wanted to scream created a passive/aggressive pattern that was eating me alive.
That childhood tiger that had gone hungry while slinking through the shadows of the jungle was now on the hunt. Crouching behind every moss covered mound – raging with a hunger that would not be satisfied. The beast would not rest until a new carcass had been devoured.
Where has my compassion gone?
Was it concealed amongst the stripes of courage?
Finding my voice and allowing the ‘real me’ to take center stage is not easy.
Despite what those closest to me thought; I was and still am just as frightened as everyone else.
I still have that scared little girl inside that just wants to fit in and be loved for being me. So, each day I spend time with her during a self-guided Reiki session and meditation. There is time for reflection, insight, forgiveness, exploring and honoring the choices that were made and how they kept us going as we navigated the jungle of life.
Each day I must remind myself that I have a special gift to offer the world; one that only I can bring to the stage.
Is your ability to acquiesce still serving you well?
It still comes to my aid but the beast must be fed.
What if you could find the strength to allow your true character to take center stage and shine like the star that only you can be?
How would your plot twist if you were able to honor your stripes of courage and heal your inner beast?
Blessings for all the very best.