Listen up mean girls

Listen up mean girls

I’ve got your number and I know where you live!

Your behavior makes me sick!

I can’t believe that you could do this. I know where you live, I know your parents and I have access to all of your 39376770_ssocial media accounts. You can’t hide from me anymore, I am calling you out – right here, right now.

The way many young females treat each other is despicable.

Mocking, name calling, sending hateful messages, rallying the dysfunctional pods of bottom feeding dwellers against those that dare show any signs of humanness. Like great white sharks seeking out their next meal, they circle wide and then with no warning, move in for the kill.

I wish I could say that the bullying stops when you graduate high school but that is not always the case. It can persist through any academic institution, familial group, neighborhood or work place – only because we perpetuate this shit from within our own pack.

We, as a group, are responsible for this behavior and it is time to change.

I know all about you and your pathetic, shame riddle life. You see, I am you and you are me – we are all one.
You may have different ways of attempting to annihilate the ‘competition’ but your fear has the same stench as mine.

I spent a lot of effort making sure that I was the alpha female – I needed to be in control and commanded complete domination. I now understand that this behavior wreaked havoc for everyone, most of all me.

I see your struggles because I hear what happens when nobody else is around. Home, the place that should be a safe harbor is a battle ground.

Screaming silence, the naked pantry, the cold void of emotional sustenance and distorted love that no living thing should have to endure. You pull your hair back, slather your face with makeup and armor yourself with the best outfit in the closet.

Maybe you find yourself looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places – alcohol, drugs, promiscuous behavior. Or maybe you have been the victim of unspeakable things.

I feel your fear pounding through my veins.

For me it was on overwhelming sense never feeling good enough – ever! Grades, clothes, promotions, car, house, etc. No matter what I had or did, it was never enough.

This constant self-degrading behavior left me feeling shameful.

I must be a bad person, God must be punishing me for something that I did. I am not lovable.  What if I am loved by the wrong people?

What you think you are covering up with your nasty behavior towards others only speaks volumes to the cavernous, echoing void inside. I know your guilt, your remorse keeps me up at night.

I have made a lot of ‘bad’ choices, hung out with the wrong crowd and focused my internal rage on the ‘weaker’ members of the pack like a laser beam. You say that nobody understands, that nobody gets ‘It’ and that maybe true, but I ask you this – Do YOU REALLY get ‘it’?

Do you really understand why you act the way you do?

What would happen if the next time you felt threatened or had the twinge of fury rise up, you paused just for a moment? What if you could allow yourself to lean into your own fear?

Do you remember what it felt like to be scared, alone, different, not enough? Does pointing out someone else’s unique characteristics feed your anger? Does it really fill the emptiness inside your aching heart?

Do you dare to reach out to someone that you see struggling? Are you brave enough to say, me too? I dare you, no I double dog dare you to dig deep into your soul and extend a kind word, a helping hand or even a glance of support.

Do you really have what it takes to make a difference or are you too scared?

Ask for the support you are craving.

Talk with a trusted adult, call a help line, write a book, draw a picture, play your music – whatever it takes. You are lovable, you are enough, you are amazing and so are they.

Sympathy does not cut it here, this requires empathy.

Empathy requires you to show up and be real, you can’t fake empathy.

When I hurt, feel alone or inadequate, it is worse to have someone share their in-depth story with me in the midst of my crisis than to be alone. But if you could just give me some space, sit with me awhile, stand beside me or maybe give me a hug – that is what I we need.

If you don’t know what to say try this: “It seems like you are having a tough time, I don’t know what to say or do but I am here for you”. If you say the wrong thing or wish you would have done something different, reach out again and say “I am sorry, I wanted to help but it came out wrong”.

Being a real friend means that what is shared with you in confidence is NEVER used against anyone.

Seeking adult help if there is potential for harm is critical.

We all have a closet full (or twenty closets full) of secrets that we don’t want to open up for everyone to snoop through. Nobody is perfect but we are all perfect just the God made us.

We all think that our closets hold the worst secrets ever and “that girl” has the world by the ass. You are no better nor are you worse than anyone else. We are all equally important in the eyes of God.

My prayer for all of the girls out there and in here: Each time you look in the mirror you see your light gleam and come to realize that by helping others shine, the world becomes a brighter place.


For all those faced with unkind words, threats of physical harm or actions that hurt please know that you are loved and you are enough. You are brave, strong, courageous and powerful beyond your wildest dreams. Find your tribe, confide in a trusted adult, call a help line, join a club at school. Do whatever you can to find a healthy way to manage the situation.

Shine your light!

To all those parents that are stressed with these very issue – YOU ARE ENOUGH!

You are doing the best you can, making the very best choices possible. Make your home a safe haven, a place for them to securely vent, release and refill their love reserves.

Dress them in a cloak of love and build their confidence in their ability to rise above it. Do what you need to keep your own reserves full – an empty cup serves no one.

If you don’t have the answers please ask for help, you are not alone.

On February 20th & 21st I am hosting a weekend dedicated to raising the vibration and shining the light in our community. To learn more about how Reiki may help you cope with the insecurities in the world, check out this event here.

Remember, self-love and empathy build a brighter tomorrow.

Blessings for all the very best.


  • Molly R Schwartz
    Posted at 17:07h, 14 February Reply

    You truly leave me speechless in your insight and skill in conveying some of the things no one wants to discuss, let alone think…..thank you

    • Beth Whitman
      Posted at 17:16h, 14 February Reply

      Thank you Molly! My hope is that if we shed light on these topics they will lose their power.

  • Sophie
    Posted at 19:48h, 14 February Reply

    Very insightful!

    You touch on a key point, “mean girls” are themselves potentially experiencing significant person pain. Isn’t easy for so many to lash out when they have been hurt or lack a level of security that is critical to showing compassion to others. Some lack the parenting that gives them that sense of security or find themselves parenting a mother or father. I’m not making excuses simply recognizing your point that pain can beget pain.

    I do wonder too, might all of us be or have been mean girls at some point (and maybe even still occasionally)?

    Thanks for this hard hitting, but important, piece.

    • Beth Whitman
      Posted at 20:19h, 14 February Reply

      Sophie I think most of us have been on both sides of this. I spent most of my teens/20’s in the mean zone.

  • nancy Noll
    Posted at 07:47h, 15 February Reply

    Oh Beth, I do hope you have not been the victim and that this piece is written out of empathy. You are one of those amazing people that I admire so much. you work so hard to take the pain away from others

    • Beth Whitman
      Posted at 08:35h, 15 February Reply

      Nancy, I think most of us been on both sides of this issue and I am no exception. For me, my experiences are the building blocks of empathy.
      My hope is to shed light and awareness that we are all enough – just as we are, perfect in God’s eyes.

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