It has felt like a year of chasing dreams while mounted on a three-legged, one winged Pegasus through a meteor shower. The heaping bowls of crap I have been feeding myself had left me bloated. The rhetoric that was rolling through my head sounded something like this: ‘you can’t do that because you don’t have the money’, ‘this is too hard, you don’t have what it takes’, and ‘you can’t possibly think you are good enough to do that’.
Tickets, Tickets, Please
One small stone on the track and the entire bullshit train would be stalled in Doomstown for weeks. I tried very hard not to let the outside world affect me. But honestly, the constant barrage of deaths, unfathomable remarks from those in leadership roles, and the ridiculous media frenzy of ‘news’ is nearly impossible to buffer against. There was no shortage of blips and snippets to deepen the derailing grooves in the tracks.
The taste of regret lingered in my mouth like that of a Monday morning after a competitive drinking weekend. All of the roads that were left unexplored were being traveled inside my head… What if that choice would have been made instead of this one? I should have seen that coming. What was I thinking would happen?
The stench of rotting unrealized potential wafted through the air as my dreams decomposed beneath my feet. Inside the same day, there could be a registration for the specialized training for the business, which was quickly followed up by applying for full-time employment. One must keep all options open, right?
My old nemesis had quietly snuck into town on the last train and had set up camp in my own front yard. Not Enough is her name and doubt is her game. And this time she brought the whole damn clan. Scattered through the lawn like creepy gnomes, each one offering an insecurity, hesitation, or blatant self-sabotage.
Then I came across this quote: “The amount of energy necessary to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it”, by Alberto Brandolini. My first thoughts were focused on the external BS that others try to feed me. But it soon became clear that it was me, ME that was both the producer and the refuter. It was not the outside BS production that was fertilizing the gnome filled lawn, it was ME!
While I continued to re-read Brené Brown’s, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, I found a passage that seemed to articulate what my soul was experiencing.
“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”
I had been trying so hard to fit in and belong that I lost myself in the hussel. I had been acquiescing and stifling my true self in an attempt to be part of something; something that can only accept my authentic self. I can be authentic only when I believe that it is safe to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable, I must trust and believe in myself.
So, I am refueling the train with the now sun-dried BS patties and pulling out of Doomstown, waving goodbye to the creepy gnomes as we pass by.
What crap are you producing? Are you ready to explore the wilderness? Do you remember who you really are?
I have found that my training as a Reiki Master Teacher has offered a fountain of inspiration along my personal trek through the wilderness.
If you are ready to explore, check out these classes that could help you reconnect with your truth. Start with Reiki 1 and 2, now being offered in Stroudsburg, Bellefonte, and Lancaster. Open to all that are ready to explore. Offering CEs to massage therapists and nurses. Check out the schedule here.
Most days I practice self-healing to get the morning started. I have experienced the profound improvements it has made in all areas of my life and fully understand the return on my investment.
Like a fresh cup of coffee to some, I find that meditation, Reiki and hypnosis are the perfect blend for me.
Recently I’ve found these self-care practices have slipped through the cracks.
I have heard that one teaches what they most desire to learn. Or, more directly, “practice what you preach.”
So, without any further ado, I will snuggle up to the podium and run through the sound check.
As my proverbial finger taps the microphone, I hear my higher self whispering – ‘is this thing on? Can you hear me in the back? Testing, testing, 1.2.3.” All systems are ‘go’.
Most of you know that my private practice is about holding the space for others while they put on their muck boots and head into the energetic swamp we refer to as the subtle energy body. This is sometimes referred to as chakra balancing, aura clearing, hypnotic ‘trances’, meditation, Reiki and/or energy healing.
Sometimes the higher self can be harder to connect with than Articuno in Pokémon Go.
I know that when things feel hurried, that it is critical for me to maintain this practice. I teach this stuff every day to my clients and students – I know this works.
I recently found myself in the midst of a poorly synchronized fibromyalgia flare and a ‘dip’ in my thyroid functionality. This power duo offered a one-two punch that had my head spinning.
I struggled to focus. A gentle walk felt like a mountain side hike. My hair brush was full of newly released keratin, and my desire to sleep was intense.
It took everything I had just to get out of bed in the morning.
I know that my self-care routine is important to my well-being. I know that it makes the day better and offers balance that will support me for many hours but … it just wasn’t happening.
Why do I revert back to these old habits when things are overwhelming?
Why was it so easy for me to allow these newer patterns to be released like the hair in my brush?
Damn it, I know this self-care routine shit works.
My ‘job’ is to help others explore and maintain a healthy balance yet I am wobbling like a Hasbro Weeble. As the teetering came into my awareness, I leaned into the wobble. Tipping from side-to-side, I pushed through the pain and sagging energy to re-establish the tried and true self-care routine.
After a few weeks I recognized that Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.
I am once again practicing what I preach – self-care is extremely important. My routine is tipping toward the center point again. This morning started with 15 minutes of meditation and brief Reiki session.
I was able to get back on the treadmill and the yoga mat this week too. The herbal remedies are tickling the palate and the brain fog is beginning to clear. The massage appointment is booked and I am hitting the biomat later today.
Is it time for your self-care routine check-up?
Are you taking good care of yourself?
Many clients find that monthly sessions at Inspired Holistic Wellness help them bring balance into their lives. So if you are ready for a tune up and help with establish or reinforcing ways to balance the wobble in your life – let’s chat.
Have you ever experienced a day when things just feel ‘off’ from the very moment your eyes peek out from under the covers? Maybe you meditate, pray, stretch or exercise in an attempt to shed the sense of ‘this day is going to suck’.
For me there are several phases that ensue before my bladder forces me to get moving.
This sometimes includes looking for the giant spider that must have been building a new home that now encompasses my sleeping quarters, making sure the stinkbug is not bathing in the water glass beside my bed and then, when the coast is confirmed ‘clear’ – a combination of Reiki, meditation, self-hypnosis and yogic breath practice are a great start. Later in the day a quick walk helps to chisel out some solitude, even five minutes can help.
But I have to admit that during the past two weeks, despite my best efforts; it is like my spirit is parmesan cheese being finely grated. Sometimes it is a slow, irritating feeling; other times it like Chef Gordon Ramsay is operating the automatic grater in a Hell’s Kitchen episode.
I have been a little edgy and much less tolerant of the energetic shifts that we all navigate each day.
Maybe this is how a seed feels just before it sprouts?
Could this be the vibration of new beginnings?
Is this the sensation of releasing the cloak of the past to make space for new growth?
Or maybe it has something to do with the spring equinox, full moon and eclipse. Whatever it is – I am learning to lean into it with the help of Brené Brown’s Courage Works class.
Whether you are finding the arrival of Spring to be full of joy with the potential for blossoms or are feeling the grater rubbing against your cheesy spirit, may you find the time to allow the gentle warm sun nurture you.
I have added an Advanced Reiki Class for April 24th in Bellefonte. Have you attended a Reiki II or higher class with any teacher/lineage and are ready to embrace including crystals, moving meditation and energy grids into your Reiki practice? This is ‘grate’ way to help support your cheesy spirit as it continues to blossom.
For more information click here…. Advanced Reiki Class
Blessings for all the very best!
Winter in the Northeast can be persnickety. A mild Fall and a near flakeless ending to 2015 fostered confidence in an uninterrupted jam-packed January itinerary.
I was really rooting for Mother Nature to pick the Heat Miser brother as her favorite for January. But alas, it looks like every brother has their season and so the Snow Miser is apparently going to make a grand entrance in my area this weekend. He never makes reservations and just shows up with little regard to my schedule…the nerve of some ‘people’.
The pending snowmageddon is really not in my flow but I truly enjoy the diversity of seasons that we experience in Pennsylvania (winter and construction).
Seriously, I love the hush that a fresh blanket of snow brings to my world.
It can be a time of great excitement and can give away the answer – “do you want to build a snowman?”. It also increase sightings of ‘angels’ and we can track them better too 😉
While I was planning to help present a weekend retreat ‘Self Love 2016: Connecting to Self Love Weekend Retreat’ and then head on off to Lancaster to share a Reiki Practicum day and an Ethics class – instead I will be still.
Kerflooey, plot twist – I will practice what I was scheduled to teach.
Self-love and self-care are different for everyone.
To some this may mean hitting the slopes and others breaking out the knitting needles. For me it is likely to include a book, some Himalayan salt and a flickering flame. It will also include introspection of my current course of study with Brené Brown and the Living Brave Semester.
When all the activity is done and I find the refuge of a warm home and hot beverage, there is a special calmness that cascades over me. The snow reminds me of the importance of stillness and rest. If the promised twelve inches or more arrive, I am ready to tap into the Bumble energy and bounce back into motion feeling rested and ready.
To all those that are traveling or have jobs that require you to work during the snowmageddon, my prayers for safe journeys are with you. For those knitters and skiers, share your stories and some pictures of your fun over the weekend – I’d love to see them!
I’m curious, how do you care for yourself?
Does it include some quiet time or do you enjoy time with a close group of friends?
Whatever fuels your fire, may you find some time this weekend to enjoy. And yes, I do want to build a snowman and the retreat is rescheduled for April 15th – 17th. I am hosting lots of events in the coming months, I hope to see you soon.
All the very best!
Anyone who knows me personally has just picked their jaw off the floor as they clicked the link to learn more….so now that you are here; let’s talk about my situation.
I have been doing some in-depth soul searching as I come to grips with the realization that I am expecting – I am expecting myself and others to behave in certain ways. I know….not what you thought you were going to be reading about but stick around and read to the end.
I spend too much time on social media sometimes (okay often).
I like to see the pictures of children, yummy food recipes, and pink sunrises but I most enjoy the uplifting and encouraging posts.
You know the ones that have quotes like “You only have so much emotional energy each day. Don’t fight battles that don’t matter.” by Joel Osteen.
Or the Dalai Lama offering “We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have the choice.”
The one that poked me hard recently was “Never expect things to happen, it’s better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed” (I don’t know the author or where this statement originated).
Staying true to my default mode of operation, I immediately began to analyze this statement word by word.
Let’s take it from the top –‘Never expect things to happen…’ – I think the ‘over plan’ rung in my DNA helix has been replicated and reinforced with steel. I absolutely expect ‘things’ to happen. I expect other drivers to obey the rules of the road. I expect my car to start every time. I expect people to be kind and helpful. I expect that I will over plan and over scrutinize the travel itinerary.
For me, this mode of expectancy leads to anticipation of potential ‘things’ to happen. Schedule the early flight just in case it is delayed or over booked, you may still then be able to get on the next flight and still make it home today. You get the idea, I expect and anticipate.
With my common sense and logic on board, I expect The Universe to support me as ‘things happen’.
Then we have ‘…it’s better to feel surprised…’. Well that is a delightfully terrifying prospect to those of us that have a schedule to keep and not a moment to spare. Even the ‘surprise’ offer of lunch with a long-time friend can throw the day into a tail spin. Surprise – you have a flat tire or shingles or a trip to the emergency room….not all surprises are created equal.
And to close out the statement we have ‘…than to feel disappointed’. Have you ever felt the depth of a significant disappointment? It is frustrating, hurtful, and sad. But is it really worse than a surprise?
Some of the biggest ‘disappointments’ I can remember have been divinely guided interventions. Not getting the job I so wanted in California more than fifteen years ago brought me back to PA.
Relationships that end can be another challenge but when I think back to the ones that disappointed me the most helped me grow the most. This is not meant to diminish the feelings in the throes of disappointment. For me however, I have found that disappointment is not better or worse than a surprise.
I believe that my interpretation of ‘expect’ is to anticipate.
When I expect, I am teaching others how I wish to be treated and what boundaries are in place when interacting with me. If I expect nothing from myself or anyone else, I am certain that is exactly what I will get…no ‘thing’.
I am expecting –
My amazing daughter that is about to enter high school, I expect that you will do the best you can academically, find/keep a trusted group of friends that support each other and laugh often.
To my family, I expect that we will be there for each other – a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold each other up and pom-poms shaking as we cheer each other on.
To all those that I come in contact with, I expect that I will be as real and honest as I am able in the moment. I expect that some days will be better than others. I expect that we will share many laughs and hugs for as long as we may journey together.
I am ‘expecting’ that I will remain open to the beautiful surprises The Universe has to offer as I embrace disappointment and the teaching moments it offers. When we release the need to classify ‘things’ as bad or good, we can truly be in the moment and appreciate all that is.
Are you expecting or prefer to be surprised?
What is your favorite uplifting quote or statement?
If you are ready to explore your expectations in a safe and caring environment, join me in Gettysburg or Bellefonte, PA for a full weekend of self-care and exploration. Check them out here: http://www.inspiredholisticwellness.com/training/
Blessings to you for all the very best.
Wow what a week – There was a NO at every turn.
A well planned fourteenth birthday full of celebration turned into a three-ring circus. This old oak’s ability to bend and flex in the winds of change were put to the test.
Once again, I tried to pack too much into a day.
The calendar looked a little like this (this schedule was a remnant from my ‘bring it on’ warrior approach):
- 8am – Private Appointment
- 9 – 9:30 – Shop for a gift
- 9:45 – Private Appointment
- 11 – Pick up cake and daughter’s friends
- Noon – Daughter’s friends at movie
- 2:30 – Take friends home
- 4pm – Private Appointment
- 5:30 – Dinner
- 7pm – Cake and ice cream with family
Not much went according to MY plan … a painful and slow moving morning led to beginning with the 9:45 appointment. The cake crafter had an emergency – no cake. The movie we planned to see was now ‘gone’ from the local theaters and only two family members RSVP’d.
The day did not look much like the plan by the time our heads hit the pillow on my daughter’s 14th trip around the sun.
I have to admit that this old oak did not bend without quiet protest.
There was anger and frustration at the forefront of this stormy day. Push through the pain and implement the day as planned was my first reaction at 5:30am. I was struggling to move beyond the pain as the trek to the shower seemed like a forced march on the Appalachian Trail.
I invested thirty minutes in a quasi Reiki/physical therapy session and followed up with another few minutes of squirmy meditation. Just when I thought I had absolutely no time for self-care, my bows bent and it became my response to the circumstances.
Today, my self-care would have an immediate return on investment.
My daughter and I were together most of the day and we laughed as The Universe lobbed opportunities at us like water filled balloons.
The cups filled with candy for the friends were a big hit (except for the clerk that had to count 300 individual pieces of ‘penny’ candy). I was able to hear the illusive laughter of ten teenagers during the Minion movie as it harmonizes with my own chuckles. And a ride on a wheeled saddle and a yeee haw brought the day to a close.
What we did have was a teenage girl that had a smile on her face and a grateful heart, all day long.
This day was the best gift we could have had.
Later in the week, we made our way to a long anticipated time that was supposed to be filled with learning and catching up with friends that we see only once in a while. This was looking like a gift.
Although we reached our destination and the main attraction was fantastic, all the ‘dishes’ were dancing around like the dinner scene in Beauty and Beast….Do you hear Lumiere signing in my head ’Be our guest! Be our guest! Put our service to the test. Tie your napkin ‘round your neck, cherie, and we’ll provide the rest…we only live to serve.’
We made plans, set goals and prepared for the days ahead. Sometimes we were offered an upgrade or enhancement but walked right past it as we scurried to our next scheduled appointment.
The experiences of the week had me thinking: What do we pass-up because there is no room in the plan? Or if we are too ridged to bend to receive the gifts?
I was reminded to mindfully wield the double edge sword of free will.
Can we embrace the strength of an oak and the fluidity of seaweed?
Is it possible to have goals and structure that also permits the space for blessings?
Are we allowing The Universe to serve us?
Reiki and meditation are two of my daily self-care habits. Do you struggle to get moving in the morning? Do you want to make space to receive but just don’t know how? Check out our classes and community outreach programs explore the possibilities by clicking here.
Are you ready to respond to life’s gifts rather than react to the schedule changes?
This old oak is willing to tie on the napkin – how about you?
Blessings for all the very best.