I want to prefaces this post by acknowledging that it is my extreme honor to have been awarded the opportunity to be a coach for the most amazing soul I have met. I was given the title of mother when I accepted this honor.
The job description for mother has morphed as our time together has evolved.
In the early stages it was more clearly defined that I was one of the primary figures that would care for her needs (safety, health, food, well-being) – everything. It was a delight to spend time cuddling, cooing and comforting her, even at 3am for the tenth consecutive day. I was exhausted but it was an honor.
As she grew and her needs shifted, I welcomed a full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep and explored the world with her – sharing what the world had to offer and how to navigate it.
Along this journey together; my higher-self began to awaken.
As I gained insight into my accountability for my ‘reality’; I wanted her to do the same. Explaining this to a seven year old is not as easy as I thought. I wanted her to stay in touch with her higher self and not have to do so much work to reconnect when she was older. My intent was to coach, but that is not what happened.
Parenting through the gap of enlightenment and reality was more challenging than I could have imagined. I was so focused on my own awakening and mitigating my life; that I lost my focus. I was whatever I needed to be in whatever circumstance I was in. At the time; this ability to acquiesce was the best coping technique I had. This worked for a while but soon began to unravel.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot just how this awakened state began to unfold.
It could NOT be forced, coached nor imposed – no matter how pure the intention. I thought I could act as a spring board, allowing her to go higher and faster than I did. My intent was that she would not need to rummage around in ‘rock bottom’ and would soar through life. This is intriguing to me now but, it certainly was not at the time.
Her annoyance grew as I attempted to impart my newly awakened enlightenment with phrases like ‘your choice to be angry is just that – your “choice” or even worse “life is all about choices”. These phrases were shared with the hope that she could skip through the meadow of puberty with joy and happiness.
It is now obvious that her path will have as many twists and turns as everyone else.
Where was that Monopoly game card “advance to go (collect $200)” when we needed it? Maybe my desire for her to skip all this puberty nonsense was more self-serving than I realized. I had absolutely no intention of unearthing my own experiences that took me years to bury. Come on Universe – I am already enlightened enough, there is no need to go THERE. Or so I thought.
It is heart wrenching to observe someone you love so deeply move through their own challenges when you can see the solutions so perfectly displayed before them. Just like every generation before us must have experienced, we too shall embark on this timeless journey in our respective roles. I don’t have the answers – I am filled with more questions than ever before.
We move forward trusting that there is a reason for everything.
Offering support as much as I can and holding the space while this seedling powers her way from the protection of the shell. With the wisdom of my own journey; allowing the shell to be discarded as the sprout matures into a beautiful flower. I encourage the buds to blossom, thorns and all; knowing that this is her journey and I am but the loving gardener. Tending the soil, offering a sprinkling of wisdom and lending the pruning shears when asked – we move forward. Not always in harmony but always with love. I am beyond grateful to have a front row seat as this beautiful flower finds her Light.
I offer blessings of wisdom, courage and strength to all that serve in a parenting or advisory role in any child’s life.